Milton Berle Quotes

A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
Milton Berle

Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
Milton Berle

Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
Milton Berle

I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how to make it interesting.
Milton Berle

I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
Milton Berle

I live to laugh, and I laugh to live.
Milton Berle

I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far; for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are.
Milton Berle

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
Milton Berle

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
Milton Berle

Laughter is an instant vacation.
Milton Berle

Poverty is not a disgrace, but it's terribly inconvenient.
Milton Berle

The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.
Milton Berle

We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.
Milton Berle

You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.
Milton Berle

Desi Arnaz Quotes

A single prop that does not look real to an audience can louse you up. The same is true of the smallest flaw in setting up the motivation in a story line.
Desi Arnaz

Al Jolson was one of the greatest entertainers who ever lived.
Desi Arnaz

American people have the ability to laugh at themselves. It is one of the things that makes this country the great country that it is.
Desi Arnaz

An actor who is good at comedy can also be very good at drama, but not necessarily vice versa.
Desi Arnaz

An audience is so important. I would never have had the guts to dub in that big a laugh.
Desi Arnaz

At times we were criticized for doing too much slapstick. I don't believe in mild comedy, and neither does Lucy.
Desi Arnaz

Drinking intensifies all your pressures and your needs.
Desi Arnaz

Everyone seemed to be doing well except me and my career. And my accent was no helping me any.
Desi Arnaz

Failure is the most terrible thing in our business. When we fail, the whole world knows about it.
Desi Arnaz

Good things do not come easy. The road is lined with pitfalls.
Desi Arnaz

I don't think anyone can tell you what it is that makes you a star.
Desi Arnaz

I had started calling her Lucy shortly after we met; I didn't like the name Lucille. That's how our television show was called I Love Lucy, not Lucille.
Desi Arnaz

I learned a lot from Xavier Cugat.
Desi Arnaz

I learned a lot in those first years in Miami, while struggling just for survival, by observing my father's fortitude.
Desi Arnaz

I went to high school with Al Capone.
Desi Arnaz

Joe McCarthy and his Senate hearings were like witch-hunts.
Desi Arnaz

Lucy and I would love furiously and fight furiously.
Desi Arnaz

Lucy is such a perfectionist.
Desi Arnaz

Motion-picture studio floors used to be all wooden and not smooth at all. This was difficult when moving a camera around on a dolly.
Desi Arnaz

My Latin temper blows up pretty fast, but it goes down just as fast. Maybe that's why you seldom hear of ulcers in Latin America.
Desi Arnaz